Old Email

Went over old e-mail (years back), some blips:

Blip1:

For quite some time I have been at crossroads.  I've put a lot of effort in trying out open software technologies and wondering how they could benefit us here.  In the process, I've tossed more than I've kept.  Honestly, I feel a bit empty-handed.

I think there is a much better way for us to develop and share software here at JSC.  I am not sure what that way is, and have thought that I could do something to show.  However, each area is very involved.

Blip2:

I've done this several times, and all the while thinking, "Who will use this?"  Honestly, I've gotten kinda down because, for the most part, I think we are too busy.

Blip3:

However I'm pretty much stagnant when it comes to seeing it happen because I just can't do it [].  And even if I was to evangelize the merits of [such and such] and answer all questions, would it be used?  Would it matter?

Blip4:

 I know I'm tired when I talk like this, but this is something I come back to quite often and it may center around my role which I am sometimes happy with, confused with and sometimes awkwardly disconnected by.  Some of this is due to my not being able to program like I used to.

Blip5:

I hate the formality of the pyramid scheme.  And honestly, I think I am in a fantasy world at times thinking we are a bunch of developers.  There are a handful.  Maybe that is the real problem.  Mainly, I think I am frustrated with myself.  I honestly thought I could do it all, but it takes so much to get just a small thing right.... and there are a million ways to screw something up... and it takes a lot to choose correctly... and it takes rolling with the new... and keeping feelers out...  Developers and the technical people do that.

Blip6:

I don't know about being creative.  Lot of people say that.  I'm really a problem solver... and maybe creative along the way, maybe.  Maybe stubborn about the way I go about solving something... which isolates... which causes more ups and downs.

Blip7:

Maybe being impulsive about decisions comes off as creative, but misinterpreted really because I think I'm pretty persistent and singular...

Blip8:

The urgency centers around solving something... and requires mess... but not the ultimate end

Blip9:

The intuitive sense of timing can be seen as creative too, but some crux comes and you know you are standing at a "crossroad"...

Blip10:

The crazy moves aren't gambles or calculated... they are honest... i.e. the case is made... I've done my end... if it falls through... it's time to move on.

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