You know maybe what it is?
Every once in a while I just want it to flow without thinking about it.
When somebody carves, paints, knits --- there's a point where you don't have to think so much, it just happens... and it's enjoyable.
With programming, you aren't really ever there - never ever - well unless you aren't really doing anything new.
PS: I think this is maybe why older people garden. Maybe you understand there's a cycle of birth, life, fruit, death... and you get involved with it... and maybe I need to accept the fact that... I don't know
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