Propulsion

I went to a Christmas party last night.  Conversation turned to what I was doing.  Said I'd been shooting off little rockets all day. Where? In the field, in the backyard and the frontyard - actually some in the garage.  I told him about Richard, his need for a heart transplant, the police visit, building little rockets, backyard ballistics etc.  He said, being silly knowing I'd think it funny, not at all one-up-manship (seriously), "You know we just started a propulsion company?"  I didn't flinch since I thought he had said proposal company.  But he was looking at me like I should have gotten something... then I went, "What?  A What?  A what company?"  He said, "A propulsion comany?"  I laughed.  We went from my garage with blackpowder to the Mojave Desert using clean rocket fuel - flip.  I said, in my honest gee-gollyness, "Wow.  Just wow.  I want to see it."  I looked at my beer.  It was an odd beer with an odd logo.  I had picked it from the little icebox that serves the pool table.  It fit best for me.  The conversation went back to what I was doing at NASA.  I said, "You know, I'm about ready to plug back in.  I've been off the radar.  I mean there's off the radar.  And that can be a good thing.  Then there's really off-the-map like way off the radar.  And that's not a good thing."  A guy with a pool stick said, "Invisible."  I said, "Well, more like a ghost"  I waved my had through the air.  I said, "Well it was a time of learning."

On the way home I told Kim, "You know, I think people just want me to be happy."  They want me to be "out there" because they need somebody to be that guy - like the token rocker.

Later, after getting home, we sat on the couch and went through family albums/books.  On the backside of one of the books was the picture of the eye of the girl with a Pearl Earring.

I woke up this morning and saw the guy with the poolstick.  I heard, "Invisible."  Then I heard Bob Dylan, "You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal. How does it feel? How does it feel? To be on your own. With no direction home Like a complete unknown Like a rolling stone?" 


Maybe I am looking for home.  Maybe I'm still looking.