Ever been in a dream, and you realize it is a dream, you want out, and force yourself to wake? There is some conscious effort in the dream to pull yourself back. There is no way to walk or run out of the dream. There is nobody that can break you out of it. It takes some mental strain to propel yourself out (or at least it seems).
For me, day to day... I get these semi-visions... or textures... whiffs... which seem to point to something more fundamental or real. I have this sense that I am going to catch it... or at least discover what it is and enjoy its illusive nature.
For me, it is that way with trying to create something. Right now I have this painting in my head. There is one guy holding a cup of coffee. He is laughing with friends. He's standing, but close to a table with a chair. I think his friends are sitting and standing too. For days I've seen this thing. A foggy mirage. For some reason the cup he is holding is a light slate blue. And I want to see it come to life on a canvas. Strange!
Another creation is emerging at work. I don't doubt that all of this painting and drawing is just me trying to whip something from the ether. I wouldn't even doubt me leaving my former company is simply me throwing ice on myself for *something*... because I've gotten whiffs of something... and I want to chase it... And the complete frustration sometimes when you catch something and open your hand only to find it's nothing. And to have that happen over and over again...
And, by and large, like a dream, you are alone with that gnawing. And maybe it is nothing. Only teases. But I know that isn't the case... I've typed enough...
3 comments:
you write as well as you paint... perhaps you should try combining the two.
FG
and perhaps when you look in your hand it is not nothing... perhaps you are just looking for or expecting the wrong thing to be in there.
Maybe I looked in the wrong hand :-)
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