Fourteen Joules

The procedure went okay. The doctor did have, as he described it, "A hair raising experience." I may get this wrong. They induce ventricular fribulation on purpose when installing a defribulator. To bump the patient out of the artificial heart attack, they zap the heart. The doctor said, "99%" of the time, 14 joules works. My dad is in the upper 1%, it seems. They tried, twenty. That didn't work. They raised it again. That didn't work. I believe they had to hit the real juice to get him going again.

This was the point where I fell into the doctor's shoes and kinda lost what he was saying. He reminded me of an old surfing buddy (Gene Gore). He had the same intensity, intelligence and confidence. I can't remember how to spell the doctor's name, but it is pronounced "Chop". Not too long ago, Dr. Schopt (I guess) decided (along with colleagues) to not push the family too hard into undergoing this same operation. The patient died a while after that. He had pushed us to do this thinking it was necessary. Well, you get the picture.

For the last couple days, I've seen two or three families lose a loved one. I am usually very nerved at the business/engineer type atmosphere of the staff making their rounds while families undergo huge decisions and emotional turmoil. I was still very sensitive to it, but I was there to be with my dad, and felt okay about laughing, and understood better that people have to work. It's hard to explain.

I left for a long walk down past the UT campus. Ended up going to the Art building. Went to the fourth floor and saw some people painting. They were grad students. There was a balcony on top. I drew while this guy spray painted some pipes or something. It was a beautiful day here. Austin is a really neat place. I feel right at home with all the weirdos. More at home, I think, than anywhere else.

I imagined these two poles, one at the heart hospital and one on the art building at UT. Each one is real in its own way, and more real than the other. In between the two poles is a gradiation of business/hard-core life and burgeoning searching life. They are opposite in some way, but I can't see one living without the other. My feet are sore from walking the contours, but I'm refreshed. It's gyoood.

If my dad were to read this, he'd certainly say, "What??? Is this all about you? I was the one on the table dying?" Yeah, but it's my blog. Ha ha ha!!! LOL...