This post may not end up coherent and may not reflect what I really think because I'm not sure what I am thinking and thought by writing it I might discover what I'm trying to say. By writing this I expose my own need to express. I realize at this point I am debating the way I introduce this as I am beginning to go into psychobabble and am afraid this sort of thing is what makes people stare in the headlights like a deer on the highway. I will most likely lose you unless I find a way to make this faster or humorous. Now I realize that I have insulted you and your attention span. Okay, here we are. I don't even think I'm going to start a new paragraph because that will make this post seem less formidable. You, you have show great attention at reaching this point. You, you have waded through countless ideas and are listening.
The "you" up there is this imagined person in my head that, had I kept writing a long post with no breaks, would have poised themselves and listened intently. As tortuous as it was, I did read "War And Peace" - I struggled, whatever that means. This imagined person is probably "my perfect blog reader figment" that I write to - the one that laughs at all my cunning humor, sees depth in the pictures, can't wait for the next post and hopes for pictures of drawings to discover what's in this cavernous mind of mine. I write this to my "figment reader" recursively knowing that you, a real person perhaps, will be reading alongside this "figment reader"... I mean I am writing to the figment reader and you... and it is like the mirrors on the wall in a barbershop... only the figment reader will get that barbershop analogy... well PERHAPS! you too, so I throw that in just in case you can follow... and if you can I'll take you on and on bouncing back and forth until I lose you... or most likely try to hurt you.
Yes, hurt you because if I take you far enough the following will most likely happen: you will move to another state, I will realize that you never understood a word I said, you will abandon the trip or you will grow silent.
If you move to another state, I will most likely write. Inundated, you will most likely grow silent. So moving is about the same as silence. Abandoning the trip is equivalent to silence too. If you never understood a word I said, that means that I had you mistaken, and my figment persona of you has to be separated from the real you. I will go on talking to the figment persona which amounts to silence. So all cases lead to me talking to these imaginary people. If I had you mistaken, I will probably feel bad for the real you because the real you is so earthly, so real - and it could even happen that this real person gets reaccepted as a new play figure in my landscape...
This isn't the case with all people. Actually, now I think, there are only a handful that put such an impression on me that I adopt them into my - what do I call it? - "conversation". In order to become one of these figures, a figure to please most likely, it is necessary to be mysterious. To be mysterious requires a very simple trick - you just have to not be present, say very little or just be obscure. The best is a combination of those three. A simple way to accomplish that is to move away and shut up.
Actually, that is disconnection that I'm talking about. It's a phone conversation that ends abruptly. Some people help one to understand oneself and quite possibly the world at large... maybe even the heavens. Maybe I'm mad at pastors that move and are "called" to move, especially to places in the mountains, gardens and meadows. Maybe I'm mad at friends that move and jerk themselves away. Moving location is *away*, because email, facebook and all that is discontinuous, blip ridden and most likely shallow because in the busyness all the electronic connection in the world simply won't cut it... and those people you cared for, respected and needed to make you whole are *gone*.
One cannot expect others to stay put. I realize that meeting up with my friend from school was like we never parted. The couple years since we last saw each other, the couple thousand miles between us, the few words we had over the past couple years was trite in comparison to the bond of friendship. We met and was like we were never apart.
Okay, I'll shut up... going to enjoy the cool air.
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