The House Here On Redbud

I just read a post I wrote about three years ago.  Here's a piece:

There is something altogether artificial about working at JSC, even living here - no matter what I do I can't help feeling out of touch. The last time I felt really good was being in Austin. This house is about to have new floors, new kitchen, new roof, new fences and foundation repair.  Kim wrote me today, "Let's move to Austin." It's not out of the question for a "For Sale" sign to be stuck in the front yard.

 I woke up this morning thinking about hiring people to do some odds and ends that I can't seem to ever finish.  What I wish is that I would, like yesterday, just do a couple things... and keep at it each and every day.  I don't know why getting the house nice (or at least bearable) is so important to me.  I think it's my first thought every morning and is an ongoing theme throughout the day.  I just want it to be nice.

I told Kaley the other day that when I first got this house it was a huge deal.  I remember how quiet it was inside compared to the apartment building we were in.  It felt perfect.  I was so proud that Kim and I were able to get a house.  Comparing things now and then; it's a million times better now... yet I feel like things are so undone.

The house makes me feel, at times, inadequate.  I lack taste, design sense, artistic sense, know how, managerial sense, leadership, the ability to finish stuff, technique, energy, money... it's funny.

Here's edited (shortened) lyrics by Weezer:

Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as greedy as me 

Look at all those movie stars
They're all so beautiful and clean
When the housemaids scrub the floors
They get the spaces in between 

I wanna live a life like that
I wanna be just like a king
Take my picture by the pool
'cause I'm the next big thing 

The truth is I don't stand a chance
It's something that you're born into
And I just don't belong 

No I don't
I'm just a no-class beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play 

Beverly Hills
That's where I want to be
Livin' in Beverly Hills
Beverly Hills
Rolling like a celebrity
Livin' in Beverly Hills