April 7, 2011
No Beer For Almost Three Weeks
You'd think I'd have some deep revelation while not drinking beer. I was sort of hoping I'd do more, get out more, feel better, save money, do better at work because maybe my head would be more clear. I guess I wasn't drinking enough to really benefit from not drinking. Next time, maybe I should drink more so when I quit I can be happy about it. There hasn't been a day since Neil Peart inspired me to stop drinking beer for Lent that I haven't wished I had a beer. Now I find I'm over thinking, mad at people, hate my job and tired. Before, I think, I just sorta quit caring so much. My fundamental problem is that I can't seem to relax very well. I keep filling up moments with productivity or engaging play. From the outside, drawing at the museum instead of drinking beer might sound good. Building flies at night. Reading. Being more involved with decisions around the house. Not eating so much. Saying, "Well, I might as well do it... there's no beer anyhow..." That might sound healthy. And it probably is... but I just wish I could sit back and drink a beer and laugh with some friends. You can even throw out the friends and just leave me the beer - a nice icy cold beer. Man that sounds so good.
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5 comments:
some of your comments about over thinking, being mad, etc. reminded me of an interesting video I saw the other day:
http://www.ted.com/talks/chade_meng_tan_everyday_compassion_at_google.html
Frankie, I am thinking if Google just served cold beer to all its employees it'd be a lot more simple than having to practice compassion which can be so tiring and involve so much frustration. There are two paths to happiness: beer and compassion... so I'm thinking of a meld - "A Heart For Beer"... it's kind of like buying the world a Coke... only deeper... At Google, it's all good.
Honestly, I envy Google's culture. I feel like a failure most every day. I feel disconnected here. And I feel like connection would only tangle me in mindless droning meetings. I have almost sunk to the point where I feel any idea is doomed to a black void in somebody's email inbox. The reason for frustration is that I don't just give in to that. I keep thinking I can do something about it... but it feels like idealistic nonsense in a very static top-down org. The realm of "it's possible" seems to be far away. "Go For It!" is more like "Yeah, right." Honestly, I could say some of the same things Chade said, especially in regards to my wife and the way she helps the poor here and beyond. I might be able to say I helped/inspire a guy to write a book about locavoring. Just bluntly, I think I'm made to be a frustrated artist type... and I'm not going to be smiling with the Dali Lama unless the dude wants to drink a beer and talk about taking down "the man".
I say I feel like a failure every day. That's true and untrue. There's pieces where I feel very successful - my family, making ends meet, being honest, trying hard, caring, fly fishing, improving at art... it's just work... it's on a pendulum of success/failure day in and day out... and it's very much my own concoction. Ack... can't explain it... anyhow... overall it's all good. I am not morose. You know me pretty well... I'll shut up.
yep... just be careful for your search of the "big picture" and how your work fits in it. someone once said, there is no big picture... there are only small ones... and those small pictures all boil down to connections between people... in the end, it is the only thing that matters.
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