Flippity Flip

A couple days ago I saw Kaley flipping through a friend's pictures on facebook.  When I say flipping, I mean speed drive.  It was a blur of snapshots of a girl's life.

I am not a lecturing kind of dad, but suddenly I broke into lecture, "Hey!  That's a person!  She has hopes!  Fears!"

I then showed her the post "View From The Space Station?"  I went into a talk about that.

I don't want her flippity flipping through friends, fashions, food, fish, farms, fields and faces - where did all those f's come from!?!

The gate at Moses Lake was closed yesterday.  Two guys stood in a boat casting at the wall.  There's a bay, an entire gulf, there's oceans, streams, rivers, other countries, lakes, water on other planets, water on moons!, there's oceans of cloud water floating above, there's water falling from the sky now... and like the Talking Heads said, "There is water at the bottom of the ocean!"  Why are you in front of a wall!?!?  Why are you on this monitor!  Why am I?!?

On shore, I saw a guy catch a fish bigger than I've ever caught.  He threw it in his bucket without even looking at it.  What would have been the catch of my whole life was a toss in the bucket.  He raked it in.  I was envious and sickened at the same time.  I went into an internal debate - one side of me said, "look, just go and get a bait caster and some damned shrimp and catch yourself a g-damn effin fish - quit being mister do-it-different - come on - quit screwing around"  The other side said, "see that shrimp on your hand --- that's your catch today... see the minnows and the flash of sunlight... that's your catch... the crab... the clouds rolling over... the silver flash of shad... patience... keep looking..."

I had to choose the little shrimp.  I want to choose the little shrimp.  I will keep fishing for bigger fish.  One day!, and for whatever strange reason I do this to myself, one day!, I'll catch the big fish the way I want to catch it...

I think it's because... hmmm... maybe I attach meaning to events.  It's the build up to the event, the realization of the event and the post event satisfaction that lasts - maybe lasts.  Or maybe it's a moment I want to catch.  It could be a work ethic thing too.  Good moments require work for me.  I just don't want it to be cheap - maybe.  By cheap, what do I mean? - an exchange that involves no equal effort??? I have to even the odds for the fish... or else I've cheated it.  Is that it???  Do I have a problem with leverage???

I don't want to be flippity flipping through friends, fashions, food, fish, farms, fields and faces!  F it!

PS: I could stand to be accused of overthinking... in which case I stand 100% guilty... and it's something that isn't going to change... at least I don't think it will LOL!